it helps when you feel bad.
I still don’t know if Brian is going to be fine. I hope he will. He’s had a few blood and urine tests, endoscopy, CT scan, biopsy…we’ve checked for all viruses and diseases that are not popular in the UK but common on the continent. And we are hoping the terrible inflammation was just a one-off thing. Or rather, something that wasn’t diagnosed first, disappeared after the first, short course of antibiotics and anti-inflammatory drugs, only to come back with an enormous force that nearly killed my little boy.
I kept myself busy, sewing stuff for charities. I’m insomniac, whatever happens, good or bad, I stop sleeping (and stop eating, but I can force myself to eat, sleeping is much harder). Work helps and when I do something for others I don’t let any irrational thoughts drive me mad.
There’s always a risk in loving someone, doesn’t matter if it’s a person or a pet. Love is love. There’s always a risk that we lose the ones we love and it takes a lot of strength to be the one left behind and carry on.
But then, love is all that matters. I won’t stop loving. I won’t stop trying to be good. I won’t stop seeing the world as the most beautiful place. Because if I ever see only hatred and destruction, there will be no point in carrying on.